Why I hate unemployment.

[tyggerjai]

It's not the two days thus far spent half-heartedly playing computer games. That's fine - tomorrow I'll be so over it I'll start doing real stuff.

It's having to update my sodding resume.

So. I'm going to throw it open to you guys. Write me a resume.

For whatever job you think I'd like.

sol.
.

Comments

[vaingloriesque.livejournal.com]

If you have any record of your work history/qualifications, email it to me at vainglorious@aapt.net.au, and I'll do what I can...

- Belinda.

[vaingloriesque.livejournal.com]

Oh, and check out my post re. recruitment contacts in Melbourne - I think Eve Brown would be able to help you.

[tyggerjai.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you!

But I wsn't in any way serious :) Given that my friends are such a ... "creative" bunch, and like to think they're pretty funny, I was hoping for resumes along the lines of my lj bio.

I have a resume, it's only one job out of date, which just means adding one job section and updating the overview. About 30 minutes work, tops, and that's assuming it takes me 20 minutes to think about the overview. I just can't be arsed :)

When I'm done, though, I'll bear Eve Brown in mind - and if you'd care to critique it when I'm done, that'd be useful, I'm sure.

sol.
.

[vaingloriesque.livejournal.com]

But I wsn't in any way serious :)

Reading over your post, that was pretty obvious - teaches me to scroll through lj like lightening and post when in too much of a hurry at work.

When you do end up getting your resume together, feel free to send me a copy for tweaking. I tweak well. I tweak very well. :)

[tyggerjai.livejournal.com]

You give good tweak, eh? I bet you say that to all the unemployed bums.

Ok - http://glasshouse.tygger.net/~solitaire/cv2.html

I probably need to trim the old jobs (anything before Monash is probably no longer relevant), and decide whether I want to keep the focus on educational stuff. If I keep it, I probably need an "objective" section (though I personally despise them) making it clear that I'm no longer necessarily looking to work in the educational sphere.

See, this is part of the problem. Updating it means making decisions about what I want to do with my life :)

sol.
.

[kitling.livejournal.com]

skills
* dancing
* cooking
* costuming
* wood and metal work
* geeking
* robotics
* procrastion
* having clever ideas, buying all the bits and then leaving unfinished components on the kitchen table.


am i helping yet :) or do i just talk to megan to much

Attn: Poofy casting agent - Application for Maverick understudy in musical rendition of Top Gun.

[weasels-of-fire.livejournal.com]

Name: Herr Pork Scrubbington
Occupation: Bacon-frying underpaid jiz-mopper by day, Meat Loaf impersonator by night.
Qualifications: Bachelor of Hot Writhing Teen Lesbian Studies, MA in Porcine Preparation, Doctorate of Being Your Wing-Man Any Time.
Aspirations:

To play either Maverick or Kelly McGillis in upcoming stage production of Top Gun.

To master the time-honored art of topless volleyball; to never ever let a girl walk past personal abode again without screaming out deafening roars of "Scrubber!"

Skills:

Bastardizing creepy Sanrio implements into creepier alarms.

Volleyball.

Offers throat to wolves with red roses.

Baking.

Perpetually upholds the honor of Bette Midler, even though she's a horrid slag with a severe case of nasal elephantitis.

Channeling the spirit of Richard E. Grant.

Cover letter:
Dear Mr Poofy Limp-Wristed Casting Director,
I would really love to play Maverick in your upcoming musical rendition of Top Gun, playfully entitled "Ride Me, Goose". You may have seen me in such amateur stage productions as "Puppetry of the Firm Young Carrots" and "Jesus Christ, That's Why They Call It Greek Style". I have my own motorbike, an extensive collection of wife-beaters and helmets, and am also happy to beef up my co-stars with what I like to refer to as my own culinary crackling genius. That is, I'm also very willing to provide you with my catering wiles as well as what I've been told is a terrifyingly uncanny resemblance to Tom Cruise. I am not ashamed of my sexuality, and am completely prepared to uphold the full-frontal nudity criteria you have outlined in your application form (see further evidence of this in my website - www.jai_gets_his_kit_off_and_sings_karaoke_versions_of_take_my_breath_away.com.au).
Please consider me for this position, as recreating the majesty and nobility of what I consider to be Tom Cruise's most stellar performance is something I've wanted to do since I was shown an illegal version of said film in the late 80's, which incidentally coincided with the year I first rogered Liza Minelli with a Dr Pat rollie.
Love Jai.

Re: Attn: Poofy casting agent - Application for Maverick understudy in musical rendition of Top Gun.

[tyggerjai.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's your finest effort (perhaps a touch derivative?), but overall, a solid A-.

sol.
.

Re: Attn: Poofy casting agent - Application for Maverick understudy in musical rendition of Top Gun.

[weasels-of-fire.livejournal.com]

Hey, I had just woken up, and was struggling for material, choked as I was with the combination of cat feculence fumes and the fact that someone next door was playing Pink fucking Floyd really loudly. Philistines.

I was going to make it an application for a bodyguard, but I didn't know if you were a Paul Simon fan, and I like to limit my typing of the word 'Al' to under seven times a day.

Re: Attn: Poofy casting agent - Application for Maverick understudy in musical rendition of Top Gun.

[weasels-of-fire.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, you've just received a reply to your application...

Dear Herr Scrubbington,
Let me sleep on it.
Love Poofy Limp-Wristed Casting Director.
PS. I really rather enjoyed the jpgs you attached with your application. You don't happen to have any close-ups of the BGT
donkey sausage ones, do you?

[morganjaffit.livejournal.com]

"Darling Fascist Bully Boy,

Give me a job, you bastard.

May your seed grow fruitful in the loins of your woman.

Jai"

[tyggerjai.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's pretty much my current attitude.

"I can spell ADL. And IMS. I can count on one hand the number of people in this country who know as much about my field as I do. Just start handing over a pay check, eh?"

Oh well. Back to lying around for three months, then.

sol.
.

[kits-the-dm.livejournal.com]

I think all you need to do is send this to the CIA, and go about doing some wierd arse stunts with some politicians car.

Dear Sir/Madam.

I know, that you know who I am.

As such, I find that writing a resume will only cheapen my skills and your opinions.

So give me a damn job already.

Yours,

Sol.